Month: February 2013

Now Hiring: Husband/Father

Posted on by Phil Corbett

A few Februaries ago, while lying on a beach enjoying a trip my wife earned (another fact to prove I out-punted my coverage when it comes to marriage), I took the time to read Tony Dungy’s book, Quiet Strength. I was inspired reading about his life, from his time growing up in Michigan to his coaching of the Indianapolis Colts to a Superbowl win in 2007, and how his faith guided him through the triumphs and tragedies he experienced.

He wrote a lot about being a husband and father and the one line in the book that struck me the most was – “How would your business do if you spent the amount of time on it that you spend on your wife and family?”

Since I do not own a business, I prefer to think of it this way – “Would I be fired if I spent the same amount of time and effort at my job that I spend on my family?”

That passage, and my translation of it, has definitely had an impact on me. Do my actions and priorities show my family that being a husband and father is important to me? Sure, there are always necessary commitments that take time away from my family but what about the less necessary commitments? When I am at home, am I present to them or am I preoccupied with less important things?

Of course, being a husband and a father should be viewed as much more than just a job, but if it was a job that included periodic reviews and documentation in a personnel file, I am confident, as with most husbands and fathers, my file would be fairly large, with many positive reviews and many notations of areas in need of improvement. I am grateful that through God’s grace, the letters in my personnel file detailing the many mistakes I make as a husband and father end up getting run through God’s industrial-sized shredder.

Unfortunately, some days my job performance as a husband and father fluctuates a lot more than I would like it to and as I sit here re-writing this while I review the mistakes I have made recently, I can only hope my wife and kids have a shredder, as well.

When the shredding is complete, if all that is left is a short paragraph on my job performance, I pray it goes like this:

Philip John Corbett has the necessary skill set for the position. He shows passion and energy as he carries out his responsibilities and exhibits overall competency. He appears to love what he does. He does make mistakes, oftentimes repeating the same ones, but that can be expected as this is his first time holding this position and no job description or orientation training was provided.

In summary, he has shown improvement since last year’s review and really tries to do his job well. It is our recommendation that he be allowed to continue as our husband and father.

Kelly and the Kids

Additional note: We really like him!

Human BEings and Human DOings

Posted on by Phil Corbett

In April of 1981, as a junior in high school, I attended a Together Encountering Christ (TEC) retreat in central Minnesota. That three-day retreat and the subsequent retreats I have worked on have had a profound impact on my life. From developing a better understanding of how God’s love works in my life to cultivating relationships with the people I consider my closest friends, including my wife, I could not imagine, and would not want to imagine, how life would be had I not accepted a friend’s invitation to attend the retreat.

Unfortunately, if I were invited to attend the retreat for the first time today, I am not sure I would go.

Don’t get me wrong. I hope I would say yes.

The retreat is still a very valuable experience and continues to have a profound effect on the people who attend it today. Because of how busy life can get, though, committing three days to slowing down and exploring a deeper relationship with God and with others can be difficult to add to our calendars.

In addition, because technology allows such immediate and continual connectedness to most everything going on in the world, disconnecting from the outer world for several days to focus on our inner worlds could be challenging as well.

I believe the busyness and connectedness of our world is exactly why we should be committing the time to retreats and others activities which encourage us to reflect on our lives and our relationships with God and others. I think Jesus spoke to this in Luke 10: 38-42, in the story of Mary and Martha, when he affirmed Mary for sitting at his feet and listening to him speak while her sister Martha worked.

The mother of the friend who invited me to attend the retreat has a saying posted on her kitchen wall that I refer to often and is the inspiration for this blog. The poster says, “We are human BEings, not human DOings”.

Though I believe we are both, I fear we put way too much emphasis on assessing our lives by the DOing, neglecting the importance of the BEing.

Whether by attending retreats like TEC or just taking the time everyday to reflect on our lives and God’s presence in them, balancing our BEing with our DOing, as the pace of life continues to quicken, is more important now than ever.

“Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday.”

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Not only is that a line from one of the most-quotable, classic movies of all time, it is an appropriate topic for the special day being celebrated this week. (I am referring to Valentine’s Day, not Ash Wednesday.)

As a good friend likes to remind me, when it comes to mawage, I out-punted my coverage. I have a hard time disagreeing with him.

Another friend once said, in reference to my wedding, “never have I seen a bride cry so hard walking down the aisle and never have I seen a bride with so many reasons to cry.” I am not as sure about that one.

Though I am one to appreciate humorous comments like these, when I got married I was also very fortunate to have the benefit of receiving helpful advice from many people on how to have a good marriage. One piece of advice sticking in my head came from a friend who told me to remember, and often use, these three simple phrases – “Yes, dear.” “Sorry, dear.” “You’re right, dear.” I must admit, I have not yet fully mastered the art of using of these phrases but since the giver of the advice and his wife are closing in on 50 years of marriage, I figure the advice is worth paying attention to.

50 years! The reality of what it means to be married 50 years and beyond can be difficult to truly comprehend.

The past several years I have had the pleasure of attending the 50th wedding anniversary celebrations of a few couples, including my parents. Think about it, since my parents and the other couples were married, they have weathered tough economic times, including at least seven recessions. They have worried about the future of the world because of the Cold War, the Vietnam War, the threat of nuclear war, Gulf Wars I and II, and the War on Terror. They have held on to their values while adapting to continual, societal changes, from the social upheaval of the 60s and 70s to the fast-moving pace of the 90s and 2000s. They have experienced, and continue to experience, countless personal triumphs and tragedies, as well as the triumphs and tragedies of their children and grandchildren. Through all of this and much more, my parents and the other couples have not only survived, they have thrived and probably enjoy each other more now than ever.

Before I got married, I had my opinions on marriage and divorce, and just like the parenting advice I was willing to offer prior to becoming a parent, I was willing to offer my opinions on marriage to people who were not really asking for them.

Since getting married, I have been humbled and have learned to judge less and empathize more when marriages do not work out. Not many people enter into a marriage planning on it ending in divorce. I know many good people who, for reasons I am not privy to, were not able to make it work and spending time placing blame and shame does not seem to serve much of a purpose.

With so much publicity, though, focusing on marriages that do not work out, I just think it is good to celebrate the many marriages that do work out.

“Yes, dear.” “Sorry, dear.” “You’re right, dear.” I hope and pray I am wise enough to master those phrases by the time my wife and I reach 50 years.

P.S. I purposely did not mention the name of the movie the quote comes from for fear of insulting those who know the movie as well as I do, or even better. For the name of the movie and the many other quotable lines from it, just Google “mawage.” You will not be disappointed.

Molding Dreams

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Contrary to what you may have read or heard, teaching is not the noblest profession in the world. Any honorable profession in which someone works hard and does his or her best to make a difference is as noble as any other. Watch my mother-in-law serve her customers and you will understand what I mean.

It would be difficult, though, to find many professions having a greater impact on the world than teaching.

Recently, I finished rereading Molder of Dreams, by Guy Rice Doud. Guy was the National Teacher of the Year in 1986. In the book he talks about some of the struggles he had in school and how some of his teachers truly made a difference in his life. He mentions Mr. Card, his 6th grade teacher, who was one of the first teachers to give hope to an overweight, always-picked-last, discouraged kid (Guy). Mr. Card was one of Guy’s dream molders.

The book is touching and a very good read. I recommend it highly. It is also special to me because I have a several connections with Guy. Guy grew up a half a block from my family. He babysat my siblings and me. He also organized a successful picket line when a neighbor would not return the foul balls that landed in her yard from the neighborhood sandlot baseball games. (I think she promised to give the balls back as long as the story about the protest stayed out of the local paper.)

Most importantly, Mr. Card was also one of my dream molders. Mr. Card was my junior high wrestling coach. After years of playing basketball, I decided to join wrestling in 8th grade. I had a pretty good year for being new at it but I wasn’t too sure I would go out the following year. I was thinking I might try swimming, since that was the sport my brothers were in. Mr. Card, though, molded my dreams by taking the time to write a few personal lines of encouragement in the season summary. Because of the handful of words Mr. Card wrote, I decided wrestling was the sport for me and I can honestly say it was one of the most important and impactful decisions of my life.

Mr. Card was not the only molder of my dreams. Mr. Hoffbeck helped sculpt a bit, too. He was my senior high social studies teacher. He was liked and respected by the potential scholars and the potential dropouts because he showed genuine interest in everyone. Mr. Hoffbeck cultivated my interest in psychology and the human condition and was the main reason I chose education as a career.

Tom (T.K.) Keating, the 2004-2005 Minnesota Teacher of the Year, was also influential. I had the pleasure of interning with T.K. and his colleagues and was able to witness what can happen when an adult shows a sincere belief that all kids can be successful and takes the time to show he or she cares. T.K. tragically died way too soon but his funeral was a testament to his life’s work, with students from all walks of life in attendance. You could tell T.K. molded their dreams, too.

Of course, dream molding is not just reserved for teachers. Any and all of us can be dream molders. It is just I have been fortunate to have a career in education and work alongside, and witness the talents of, so many molders of dreams.

The list of those who helped mold my dreams is far too long to print. I am grateful for each one of them. I like how my life is because of them. So Mr. Card (if you ever read this), Mr. Hoffbeck (I know you read this), T.K. (I hope I told you), and the rest of my dream molders, I say “thank you!”

I encourage everyone who reads this to take the time to appreciate the molders of dreams in your own lives and do your best to mold the dreams of others.

I am not being humble when I say I do not think I could ever have the impact on others that my dream molders have had on me. I know, though, if I can even have a tenth of the impact, I will be doing okay.

Aaaagh…what is wrong with the youth of today!

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Aaaagh…what is wrong with the youth of today!

They sure do not work like we did, behave like we did or appreciate things like we did when we were kids.

Have you ever heard someone make a statement like that? How about these complaints?

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers. – Socrates

“The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint… As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress.”
 – Peter the Hermit, AD 1274

I am sure many of you have seen one or both of these quotes passed around the Internet at some point in the past decade. Whether either person actually said what is quoted is questionable, just the fact, though, the quotes have been referred to for decades, if not centuries, illustrates how common complaining about the youth of today is, no matter what time period “today” pertains to.

It just seems that one inalienable right of any generation is the right to complain about the generations that come after them. Granted, in many ways each successive generation has it easier than the previous generations. That is just the nature of living in a developing world. But when you take the time to get involved with youth and realize what they are doing, you would find out they are doing some amazing things, while facing challenges many of us did not need to face.

A few years ago, I participated in an online discussion (argument) on this subject. I think the discussion began with the mention of a newspaper article regarding some trouble some youths got into. One of the other participants was trying to make the point that today’s youth are lazy and spoiled because none of them have to milk cows by hand anymore.

In addition to wondering why anyone would want to milk cows by hand today, I responded to him with this:

Before we start making huge generalizations about “kids” please consider a few things. If you have concerns about the character or work ethic or whatever of kids these days, they did not raise themselves. If you want to blame someone, blame the generation that raised them (that would include all adults and not just the parents).

Mostly, I would seriously disagree with the generalizations about what is wrong with kids these days. Yes, there are some, maybe many, who do not work as hard as the previous generations. (Each generation seems to think the next generation is just not as good as they were. All of us were the next generation at one time.) If you want to see how hard kids work or the many amazing things they do, though, take the time to get involved in the lives of young people. You will see how many of them are balancing course loads in high school that many of us never handled until later in college. You will see them volunteering hundreds of hours of time, not to make themselves look good for scholarships and college applications, but because they truly want to make a difference. You will see them trying to fit this in with practice schedules and other time commitments many of us did not have until we started our careers. You will see kids who genuinely celebrate the triumphs of their peers and tearfully rally around each other in times of tragedy. Working in a high school, I get to see this everyday and I am fortunate.

Let’s pay less attention to the headlines about those who do not behave well and take the time to find out about and support those who do the right things but will never make the headlines.

From my viewpoint, our future is in good hands.

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