Month: March 2013

People in glass houses…

Posted on by Phil Corbett

…should have curtains.

I know the more accepted completion to the phrase is “shouldn’t throw stones,” but in our house the curtain ending seems more appropriate.

You see, when we first moved into our current house, we decided to take down the old, 1970s-era curtains covering the rather large windows in our living and dining rooms because we would be putting up new “window treatments” when we replaced the windows.

Our plans proved bigger than our pocket books and ten years later – no new windows and still no window treatments.

Because we haven’t replaced the curtains, if people driving by chose to look into our home the picture they might get of who we are would depend greatly on when they drove by. They might see us yelling at each other and think we didn’t like each other. They might see blankets and toys on the floor and papers and crayons on the table and think we are messy. They might see me cleaning up poop and pee off the carpet and think we have not trained our two-year old dog very well.

They would be right – at least partially. We sometimes yell at each other but that does not mean we do not get along and do not love each other. We often have blankets and toys on the floor and papers and crayons on the table because that is where our kids were playing with them. I periodically need to clean up after our dog because… okay, that one is pretty much on the mark.

Still, it is difficult to get an accurate picture of what goes on in anyone’s home from a little snapshot taken as you drive by it.

So why do we fall into the trap of painting a picture of others from the few bits of things we hear, read or see about them, often times, mostly negative?

On a recent Sunday, the priest at my church preached on the gospel in which Jesus, in response to the leaders calling for the stoning of a woman accused of adultery, said “Let ye without sin cast the first stone.” The priest spoke of how easy it is for us to cast stones and tear down others, rather than build each other up.

Those words really struck me because not only do I see the stone throwing every day, especially in the media, but I also find myself participating in it more than I would care to admit.

It’s not that I think we should turn a blind eye to people’s failings, especially in regard to our leaders and maybe even more so with those who are good at throwing stones themselves. I just think we should also look beyond people’s shortcomings and allow them the opportunity to rise above them before we complete our picture of who they are.

So, if you are looking to get an accurate picture of me, here is what I ask of you.

Do not ignore my failings. They are a part of who I am. I promise I won’t ignore them, either. I will continue to look at where I have come up short and do my best to do better in the future. I will still continue to make many missteps.

Do not define me, though, only on where I have failed. Give me the opportunity to define myself by the good I do and give me the opportunity to give you a complete picture of who I am.

I promise to do my best to stop throwing stones. I hope you can do the same.

None of us are without sin and I still can’t afford new windows.

The Least of My Brethren

Posted on by Phil Corbett

“And the king answering, shall say to them: Amen I say to you, as long as you did it to one of these my least brethren, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40)

For many, this passage from the Bible has been used as a call for all of us to be aware of how we treat the less fortunate in the world, making sure we are reaching out to them, treating them with love and compassion, and trying to improve their situation in the world. I could be wrong (and often am) but I am pretty sure there would not be much disagreement concerning the importance of doing that.

Deciding how exactly we should be carrying out that call, though, is a matter of great disagreement and most likely will be for a long time to come. Good people from all walks of life have differing opinions on the best way to help those in need. Since there are plenty of other avenues for that discussion to happen, I do not plan to explore it here.

I do want to share a different perspective on what the “least of my brethren” could mean, though.

For some time, I have tried to apply the “least of my brethren” theme on a more personal level. What if I looked at the “least of my brethren” as referring to the person or persons of whom I think the least, whom I have the hardest time loving, whom I dislike the most?

Donating to the food shelf, helping out at a homeless shelter, reaching out to those affected by some natural disaster are all excellent and, sometimes, easy ways to respond to the passage in Matthew. Treating as Christ those in my life whom I find the most difficult to love is much more of a challenge.

Years ago, I had the opportunity to listen to a father talk about a horrible crime committed against one of his children. For months following the crime he was angry and no one would have faulted him for wanting harm to come to the person who committed the crime.

He took a different approach.

After being denied the opportunity to meet with his child’s attacker face to face, the father wrote him a letter. Instead of spewing hatred and eternal damnation for what he had done, the father forgave him. Taking things a step further, he and his wife then committed themselves to spreading Christ’s message through prison ministry.

No matter what your religious beliefs may be, if any at all, I think the world would be a much better place if we all treated our least as this couple treated their least. I know, when I find it difficult to love some of the least in my life, I look to this couple as my example and inspiration.

For me, the reality that each day I do not fully live up to their example makes me human. Asking Jesus to forgive me each night and for the strength to do better the next day makes me Christian.

Thanks Elmo!

Posted on by Phil Corbett

It is pretty amazing how events seen as minor and insignificant at the time turn out to be life altering when you look back at them years down the road.

Almost 10 years ago now, my wife and I, along with our then 18-month-old son, were living in a nice, little home in the heart of a city. We had just finished remodeling the basement and had no plans to move any time soon.

Then came Elmo. Yes, that Elmo – the one from Sesame Street. He changed everything.

My wife was a stay-at-home mom who also watched a few other kids every now and then. Maya, the little girl of some friends of ours, was one of the more regular additions. One Friday she forgot her favorite little Elmo doll at our house. Since we were planning on heading out of town for the weekend, we decided we better stop by her house on the way and drop off Elmo so she would not have to spend a few days without him.

As we turned into their driveway, I noticed the house next door had a “For Sale” sign in the yard. I kiddingly quipped to my wife, “Look, that house is for sale. Should we buy it?” She dumbfoundedly and doubtfully responded with, “Are you serious?”

For the fun of it, while one of us went into the house to drop off Elmo, the other grabbed a “For Sale” flier. We talked about the house the entire ride and ended up calling the realtor to set up a viewing for Sunday.

Fewer than six weeks later, we had re-roofed and sold the old house and moved into the new house.

Since then, both our families have grown – two boys and a girl for us, three girls and a boy for them. Most days the most exciting thing our kids can do is play with their neighbors, either outside or in one of the houses. They watch our kids quite often and we watch their kids quite often. We lean on them for support. They lean on us for support. You know how it goes with good neighbors.

Just last weekend, while I was at work, my wife had all seven kids at our house for dinner and games. One game they played was Say Anything! If you are not familiar with the game, one player reads a question and everyone else writes down a response. After the responses are read, the rest of the players try to guess which response the reader of the question will pick as his or her favorite.

Luke, the 2nd grade neighbor boy, took his turn by reading this question – “If you could travel to any country, where would you go?” The responses by the rest of the players were Wisconsin Dells, Hawaii, Madagascar, France, Colombia, Mexico and The Corbetts (keep in mind, the ages of the kids ranged from six to twelve).

Luke picked The Corbetts as his favorite. My wife asked why, with all the places in the world to go, he would choose to go next door, and he said because “it’s the most fun place.”

My kids would say the same thing about Luke’s house.

I have no idea where Elmo is now. He may still be in the neighbor’s house somewhere or possibly sold at a garage sale and presently working his magic at someone else’s house. Either way, Elmo will always be with us.

Who would have thought that forgetting one little doll would end up impacting the lives of two families so significantly and so deeply. Makes me wonder if Maya didn’t do it on purpose.

How full is your cup?

Posted on by Phil Corbett

How full is your cup – does it runneth over or is it empty so it has room to receive? Ah, such deep questions to ponder.

If we are talking about coffee, I prefer my cup to be bottomless, but not empty, always having room to receive more, though never, ever running over.

If we are talking about life, then the answer is yes to both.

Looking at my life, I do believe my cup runneth over. I have been blessed and feel very fortunate for everything I have.

I also hope I never see my cup as so full that there is no room left for new people, thoughts, ideas or experiences.

If you know me or have read my previous posts, you may be surprised to learn how I would answer this cup question, “Do I see the cup as half full or half empty?”

I do not see the cup as half full. I also do not see it as half empty, though. I prefer to see the cup as three-quarters full.

What do I mean?

I know the question is just referring to whether one is an optimist or a pessimist but I just have a hard time feeling good about seeing anything in life as half full. When I see my coffee cup half full, I look for more coffee to put in it.

Same goes with life. Why settle for half full? I like to look for things to make my life three-quarters full.

Why do I stop at three-quarters full? Why not go to all full? To me, all full is not reality. There are always going to be things in life that knock us down and if we convince ourselves that life is “all full”, when we are knocked down life becomes “awful.” I want to be positive, but I also want to be real.

Someone could say it is easy for me to look at life that way because I have had it fairly easy and I have not had to face the challenges some others have had to face.

I would have to agree. It is fairly easy for me to wake up most days and find the positives in life. I hope it is always that way for me.

Still, if and when my cup gets knocked over, I know it is possible to get it back to three-quarters full. I know it is possible because I know others who have done it. I know people whose lives are much more difficult than mine and they still find the positives in life.

Like the single mother I know whose son killed himself a few years ago. Every day her heart aches for him (her only child), and most likely will till the day she dies, yet she does her best to find the positives in life, especially regarding the impact her son had on others.

Then there is Holli, who went to school with my wife. One month, she was enjoying life with a wonderful husband and kids. The next, she finds out her husband has a rare form of cancer. Several months later, she begins facing life as a single mother of four young boys, while grieving the loss of the love of her life.

I find inspiration reading her blog. She is honest about how life really “sucks” at times, and yet still she tries to find a way to make the best of each day and the new situations and challenges she faces. From what I have read, she succeeds at it more often than not.

Now I would imagine with both of these women there are most likely days when the pain is so great they would rather not get out of bed and face life. Maybe some days they don’t. But most days they do.

It is because of people like these two women that I know I can make my life three-quarters full.

P.S. If you are interested in reading Holli’s blog, here is the link http://thenelson4.wordpress.com. I find her writing to be very personal, heartfelt, honest, and often times, quite humorous.