Author: Phil Corbett

It is time to sow something else.

Posted on by Phil Corbett

I recently attended the funeral of an amazing 25-year-old man, whom I was fortunate enough to know as his high school guidance counselor. I have to say, he had a much greater impact on my life than I had on his. I am not being humble by saying that. Just honest. 

I did not know him well enough, especially in recent years, to do justice describing the man he became, but a church full of people from all walks of life was a testament to the man he became. He was a young man of deep faith. He was a young man who acted on his faith. I would consider my job as a parent well done if my kids turned out similar to this young man.

He was also a young man who was murdered. He was murdered because he opened his door to give a man a glass of water. He was murdered because he chose to help another human being. He was murdered because he put others before himself. He was murdered because he acted in a manner I hope we all would act.

His murder was senseless and it is not worth anyone’s time to try to make sense of it.

That time is better spent giving lasting purpose to his life.

I have heard people describe this young man as “one of a kind.” I would agree. He was one of a kind. 

I have heard people say there were not many people like him. I would disagree. There are not enough people in this world like this young man, but there are many like him. We just do not usually hear about them unless something tragic or unusual occurs. Though people doing good and doing the right things is getting more notoriety through social media, people are still more likely to get their 15 minutes of fame, or unfortunately more, through actions most of us would never want someone we cared about to do.

So if there are not enough people like this young man in the world, we cannot blame society, the world, the Democrats, the Republicans, the liberals, the conservatives, the left wing, the right wing, the ________ (you fill in the blank). 

Instead of trying to place blame, let’s place responsibility. We need to stop what we are doing, walk to the bathroom, look in the mirror and honestly answer some questions, as a society and as individuals.

What kind of people do we cultivate?
We trash the more respectable athletes who do not perform up to our expectations while we make excuses for the high-performing athletes with poor behavior. We make celebrities of people on reality shows, not for what they have contributed to our culture or society, but for behaviors, actions, and attitudes that end up glorifying what is wrong with our culture and society. We are more likely to share a video or story of someone doing something embarrassing or dehumanizing than we are of someone doing something positive and uplifting. Is it any wonder why we do not have enough people like this young man in this world? 

Am I one of those people I want more of?
What made this young man special and one of a kind was not as much who he was but rather how he chose to live his life. This young man was a brilliant student and became an engineer. How he lived, though, did not take great intellect; it only took character and courage. If I want to see more of his behavior in the world the first thing I need to do is make sure that same behavior is coming from me.

We can and should be angry that his life ended way too soon. We can and should feel immense grief for his family and for those who knew him. We can and should give purpose to his life by doing what we can to make sure there are more people like him in the world.

We are reaping what we sow and cultivate. We will continue to reap what we sow and cultivate. If we do not like what we reap, it is time to sow and cultivate something else.

Instead of pointing my finger outward, I choose to start with me.

To Mothers

Posted on by Phil Corbett

I really like what I wrote last year for Mothers Day so I thought I would post it again this year. My feelings about it are still the same.

There are many mothers in my life and my children’s lives and I would like to take some time to thank all of them, along with all mothers.

So here goes….

To mothers

You do everything from providing the launch pad for your children to follow their dreams to providing the safety net to catch them when their dreams crash to the ground. Mom, thank you for the confidence you instilled in me, as a 17-year-old senior, by listening to me share my dreams on our front porch and for the comfort you provided to me, as a 33-year-old son with a broken heart, by listening to me share my hurts while we re-roofed “the shack”. Though there are many other wonderful moments, those are two I will remember forever.

To mothers-in-law

You welcome the additions to your family by being open to other mothers’ kids coming into your lives and taking your “babies” from you. Karen, I am thankful you accepted me into your family even though I am 12 years, 362 days older than your daughter and, on my first date with your daughter, you needed to come to my rescue when I ran out of gas. (I can explain!)

To birth mothers

You do not give up your children for adoption but rather choose to give hope to your children through adoption. Even though you do not know who I am, I am thankful for you, my son’s birth mother, for allowing me to share in the life of your child. I am under no illusion that I can love him more or better than you can, but I do love him with every ounce of my being. Someday, if he decides to meet you, I hope you will see a young man worthy of the sacrifice you made. I am eternally grateful for the gift you have given me.

To the mothers who do not yet have children to legally call their own, or may never

The time and care you put into every birthday card you send to your nieces, nephews and the other children in your life and the excitement these children show each time they are in your presence is priceless. Though you may never be listed on any official documents for these children, you are not only the favorite aunt, you are a mother to them and have been invaluable to their development as human beings.

To the mothers with whom we fathers share our parenting duties

Where do I start? If we fathers were in a Tom Cruise movie, we would say, “you complete us.” That would be cheesy, though, so I will just say we could never be the fathers we are without you. Kelly, there are times when I wonder, if something were to happen to you, could I raise our kids on my own? I could and I would. Not because I would want to – only because I would have to. There is so much you give to our children that I never could. You have a special connection with each child that nurtures something distinctive in each child. You seem to be intrinsically aware of their individual needs and able to uniquely attend to those needs. It is an honor and a pleasure to parent with you.

I know there are many more mothers I could write about but there isn’t the time or the space. This Sunday, though, as we celebrate Mother’s Day, I encourage everyone to also celebrate Mothers’ Day, honoring all the women who have been mothers to us and to our children. You are truly appreciated.

To the Mothers of My Children

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Yes, you read that correctly – to the mothers of my children.

If you are looking for some scandalous information about me, though, I am sorry to have to disappoint you. I am actually rather boring when it comes to controversy.

Still, my children do have more than one mother and I would like to take some time to thank all the mothers in my children’s lives, and in my life, along with all mothers.

So here goes….

To mothers –

You do everything from providing the launch pad for your children to follow their dreams to providing the safety net to catch them when their dreams crash to the ground. Mom, thank you for the confidence you instilled in me, as a 17-year-old senior, by listening to me share my dreams on our front porch and for the comfort you provided to me, as a 33-year-old son with a broken heart, by listening to me share my hurts while we re-roofed “the shack”. Though there are many other wonderful moments, those are two I will remember forever.

To mothers-in-law –

You welcome the additions to your family by being open to other mothers’ kids coming into your lives and taking your “babies” from you. Karen, I am thankful you accepted me into your family even though I am 12 years, 362 days older than your daughter and, on my first date with your daughter, you needed to come to my rescue when I ran out of gas. (I can explain!)

To birth mothers –

You do not give up your children for adoption but rather choose to give hope to your children through adoption. Even though you do not know who I am, I am thankful for you, my son’s birth mother, for allowing me to share in the life of your child. I am under no illusion that I can love him more or better than you can, but I do love him with every ounce of my being. Someday, if he decides to meet you, I hope you will see a young man worthy of the sacrifice you made. I am eternally grateful for the gift you have given me.

To the mothers who do not yet have children to legally call their own, or may never –

The time and care you put into every birthday card you send to your nieces, nephews and the other children in your life and the excitement these children show each time they are in your presence is priceless. Though you may never be listed on any official documents for these children, you are not only the favorite aunt, you are a mother to them and have been invaluable to their development as human beings.

To the mothers with whom we fathers share our parenting duties –

Where do I start? If we fathers were in a Tom Cruise movie, we would say, “you complete us.” That would be cheesy, though, so I will just say we could never be the fathers we are without you. Kelly, there are times when I wonder, if something were to happen to you, could I raise our kids on my own? I could and I would. Not because I would want to – only because I would have to. There is so much you give to our children that I never could. You have a special connection with each child that nurtures something distinctive in each child. You seem to be intrinsically aware of their individual needs and able to uniquely attend to those needs. It is an honor and a pleasure to parent with you.

I know there are many more mothers I could write about but there isn’t the time or the space. This Sunday, though, as we celebrate Mother’s Day, I encourage everyone to also celebrate Mothers’ Day, honoring all the women who have been mothers to us and to our children. You are truly appreciated.

Mary, Did You Know?

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Mary, did you know, the pain you endured to give birth to your son would, in some warped way, lead to fights over big screen TVs on Black Friday?

Mary, did you know, the anxiety you must have felt when your 12-year-old son was lost would someday be felt by teenagers forcefully taken from their homes, by groups using your son’s name, so they could take part in therapy?

Mary, did you know, the agony you felt watching your son hang from the cross, because what he preached was different, would be felt by people as they were hung from trees by professed followers of your son, because their skin color was different?

Mary, did you know, the hurt you felt as you heard the leaders of the church yell insults at your son as he was condemned to death would be felt by the families of fallen soldiers, because a man claiming to preach your son’s message was protesting at their funerals?

Mary, did you know, the book divinely inspired to share your son’s life and teachings would often be used to justify the persecution of others?

Mary, had you known all this ahead of time, would you still have said yes?

Mary, though, did you know, the joy you felt as you stared at your newborn son would be the same joy millions of children would feel as they await the celebration of his birth?

Mary, did you know, the words your son spoke would continually inspire people to do amazing works of mercy and love?

Mary, did you know, the courage your son showed as he was beaten and whipped by the Roman soldiers would give others the strength they would need to persevere when they were beaten down in life?

Mary, did you know, your son rising from his death would someday be the example for millions of people to rise from the death of their own lives’ despair?

Mary, you must know, though there is still great need for improvement, the world is a much better place because you said yes.

I cried because I had no shoes…

Posted on by Phil Corbett

…until I met a man with no feet.

That is an old proverb I promise to get back to at the end of the post. But first….

A while back, in my Before There Was Google post, I was kind of bragging about my handyman skills, being able to fix my dishwasher and my washing machine after doing a Google search. That is not all I have fixed.

For some things, I was just smart enough to check the Internet and was able to watch a video illustrating how to fix what needed some fixing. Sometimes, I was not smart enough to realize I should not have been fixing what I was fixing and only got lucky that I did it right and did not get hurt. (There was that time when a friend of mine got a little shock while we were rewiring a bathroom fixture. He said it might have fixed his back problem, though.)

What I neglected to mention in the post were all the times I attempted to fix something and ended up only making things worse.

Like the time the handle on the front passenger door of my Astro van broke off. I went to a local you pick, you pull salvage yard, found the right vehicle, and after cutting up my hands a bit, successfully removed the part. I watched a You-Tube video and became an expert in door handle installation. Though I did not have the correct tools available, I proceeded to cut up my hands a bit more and installed the door handle. After testing the handle several times with the door open, I closed the door for the final test. I have not been able to open the door since.

Or the time a few years ago, when my riding lawnmower would start and then quit on me a little while later. I asked a friend of mine who knows about things like that for some advice and he suggested I just take it to the mower repair shop and have them fix it. He basically said after the amount of time and money I would spend trying to fix it, I would be better off having an expert take care of it.

Talk about a slap in the face.

Of course, I ignored his advice and did a few Google searches and felt ready to tackle the problem. Among other things, I replaced the spark plug (several times), bought several carburetor kits, adjusted and re-adjusted the screws that do something to the gas flow, and still my lawn was half mowed. Finally, I broke down and took it to the small-engine repair shop, expecting a huge bill, since I, with the vast knowledge of the Internet at my fingertips, could not figure out the problem.

A day later, I got the call saying the mower was fixed. It seems there was some gunk built up somewhere that was affecting the gas flow and causing the mower to quit. All they had to do was clean it – without taking anything apart – and replace the spark plug again.

The overall cost of fixing the mower, not taking into account my hours of labor and frustration, was over $100, only $30 of which was the bill from the repair shop.

I should have listened to my friend.

What do these stories have to do with anything important?

Well, in addition to humbling me, which is never a bad thing, the stories illustrate what I feel is essential to being fully human – knowing when, and being willing, to seek help.

There have been times in my life when I needed fixing and all I needed to do was do some reflecting or reading and I was able to figure out what needed to be done to get my life going in a better direction.

There have also been times in my life when I needed fixing and all I needed to do was heed the advice of a friend or two and that took care of things.

Finally, there have also been times in my life when I needed fixing and it seemed everything I tried only made things worse. I am glad at those times I had the courage to seek out the help I needed, to take myself into the shop and let an expert take a look at me. It did not take long for me to get headed in the right direction again, but I know it would have taken a lot longer had I just kept trying to fix things by myself.

Now back to the proverb…

To be honest, I have never been a big fan of it. Oh, I know, it is probably meant to encourage people to not make their problems bigger than they are, since there are always people who have it worse.

The issue for me is when people use that as a reason to minimize or neglect their own problems because you can take the proverb one step further and say, “so I ignored having no shoes and when winter came, I got frostbite and ended up with no feet.”

I am a believer all of us would be better human beings, and be better able to do humane things for others, if we acknowledged when we needed shoes and knew when it was best to make them ourselves, borrow a pair from a friend, or go in and buy new ones.

P.S. This post is in memory of Pat Olstad, the woman in my Before There was Google post, who helped my mom identify the cause of the affliction my siblings and I were suffering. She passed away recently after a long life of helping others. May she rest in peace.

I was wrong.

Posted on by Phil Corbett

I hate to admit it but I have to – I was wrong. I have been wrong for years.

For a long time, I have been telling people who ran long distances races they were a bit crazy. You train, and train, and train, so you can pay money to run a long distance, at the end of which your body hurts, and some times, you even throw up. Sure you get refreshments along the way, like water, sports drinks, and some packages filled with a thick, glue-like substance that is supposed to provide you some energy, but I was just not convinced it was a wise use of money.

I preferred the long bike rides. Yes, I had to train for them and they also cost money, but there were so many more advantages to them. The rest stops along the way were filled with stuff I liked to eat, like cookies, candy bars, and donuts. At the end of one ride, I had root beer floats.

Though I never biked in one that did, some rides even provided free beer!

The physical activity aspect of bike riding was better, too. When you stop moving your legs on runs, you stop. When biking, you coast. When running, you have to run up and down the hills. When biking, on the way down a hill, once again, you get to coast.

It was just a no-brainer to me. Biking was the way to go.

Then I was persuaded to sign up for the Fall 50 – a 50-mile run in Door County in Wisconsin.

To be clear, I did not run the entire 50 miles, though many runners did. I was in a relay team with my brother, his wife, her sister, and my wife.

My wife was inspiring. She readily admits to not being a runner and to have never run more than a few miles at a time before training for this race. She ran her first leg of the relay, 5.3 miles, at a 10:00 minute per mile pace, one minute per mile faster than she had ever run. She ran her second leg, 4.5 miles, at just a slightly slower pace, while battling some intense leg pain from the start. I was impressed.

With around 1700 or so runners, I am sure there were many other inspirational stories I could write about.

For me, though, the race was just a lot of fun. There were serious runners, but most runners just wanted to have a good time. Teams were encouraged to dress up and prizes were awarded for the best costumes. I do not know which team won but some of my favorites were the all-female team dressed up like girl scouts, the team dressed up in 1970s outfits, using an RV as their team vehicle, and the team wearing prosthetic butts.

Even the rest stops were better than I had hoped. Other than a few glasses of Gatorade, I am not sure I chose a healthy item all day, unless you count chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as healthy.

Overall, it was a great experience I would recommend to almost anyone.

Oh, and did I mention, the post race party included unlimited free beer, wine, and pizza!

I guess running isn’t so crazy after all.

P.S. Here is the link to the Fall 50 website. http://www.fall50.com/

If you are interested in running it next year, just know that within three hours of the registration opening last April, all 360 relay spots were filled.

Why I Celebrate on 9/11

Posted on by Phil Corbett

I am not trying to be insensitive by the title of this post. Last night, though, on Facebook, I shared my perspective on the day and thought it might be a good thing to share through this blog, as well.

Today is a day I will never forget. Yes, 12 years ago, planes were used to inflict unimaginable pain and agony on many individuals and families, and on our country and world, as well. Seven years ago today, though, my family of four boarded a plane to Colombia to meet the young boy I lie with right now, who made us a complete family of five. I hope others can find reasons to celebrate on this day, too. Never forget those who died and whose lives were changed forever. But do not let evil win. Treasure and focus on the good that surrounds us.

Thank you, Miley.

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Unless you have been asleep since Sunday or have just chosen to retreat from society, you most likely have heard about the MTV Video Music Awards and the controversial performance of Miley Cyrus. Actually, after watching a video of it online, controversial is way too tame of a word to describe what I saw.

Perverted, filthy, and disgusting come much closer to doing justice.

Whether the performance was a true reflection of the new Miley or just a marketing and publicity ploy to show Miley has grown up, she has definitely made the transition from teen idol to adult sensation. The more the performance is talked about, the more successful she will most likely become. (Talk about perverted.)

To be fair, Miley was not the only one involved in the action. Robin Thicke played a significant part in the performance, as well, but since I had no real idea of who he was until I Googled him and found out he is a pretty big deal currently (and is the son of Alan Thicke from Growing Pains), my thoughts focused on Miley and the changes she has made.

You see, I used to watch, and re-watch, Miley’s Hannah Montana movie and shows with my daughter and truly enjoyed them. I also love the messages in some of her songs, especially The Climb.

Maybe she had to do something shocking to continue to shed the squeaky-clean image she developed as a child star so she could appeal to a wider audience. Maybe the pressure facing a 20-year-old superstar to stay relevant and in the limelight clouded her judgment, along with the judgment of all of her people. I am not excusing or condoning her actions, but since I have no idea of the pressures a 20-year old in her situation is under, I am also not going to condemn her. She chose her actions and will need to live with the results of them.

Instead, what I want to do, and what I think all parents of young children should do, is thank her.

Yes, that is correct – thank her.

Miley’s actions should be a reminder of why we, as parents and other people who care about the well being of young people, need to encourage our children to find role models closer to home and to stop worshiping at the celebrity altar. (I guess many adults could be encouraged to do that, as well.)

I am glad my daughter has not yet been bitten by the celebrity-worshiping bug (unless you count Harry, Hermione, and Ron as celebrities). I am glad she has not yet looked to celebrities to decide how to live her life.

I want my daughter to look to her teachers at school, who, with true passion and little pay, empower our children to learn and believe in themselves.

I want my daughter to look to our neighbor, who earned her PhD while parenting and working from home, and is now empowering teachers to become the best teachers they can be.

I want my daughter to look to her godmother, who helps lead her local Girls on the Run program, empowering girls from 3rd to 8th grade to be emotionally and physically healthy and confident.

I want my daughter to look to her mother, who, after being a stay-at-home mom, working part time in direct sales, successfully jumped into the corporate world and now empowers other women to be successful in business and in life.

With so many wonderful women to influence my daughter on a daily basis, I hope she never needs, or wants, to look to the celebrity world for examples on how to live her life.

Those @#*& Legos

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Admit it. How many of you, who have kids in your life, have used that phrase while walking through the house late at night? I know I have said those words more than once, on my way to watch TV downstairs or to check in on one of my kids. Usually, I follow my utterance of the phrase with a mental reminder to tell the kids to pick up the Legos the next day.

As with many of my other reminders, I usually put the task off for another day.

I’m okay with that. We have accumulated many Legos during the past 10 years or so and they are used quite often by all three of my kids, as well as the neighbor kids. Even adults who stop by find themselves playing with them every so often. Sure, playing with Legos can routinely lead to arguments over a particular piece, of the thousands we have, that two or more of my children want. Still, when the Legos are lying out, I know my kids have been using their minds, their creativity, and their social skills. I like that in a toy.

A few years ago, I attended an educational workshop at which a presenter showed a video of an electronic toy, made up of a handful of little squares with video screens. I do not remember exactly how the toy worked, but when individual squares were connected, a change in the video screens occurred, resulting in different designs. The video was pretty impressive, especially with how quickly the person demonstrating the toy could reposition the squares to create new designs.

When the video was finished, the presenter predicted the toy would become more popular than Legos.

He lost me on that one. I had a hard time envisioning millions of kids lying on the living room floor, surrounded by hundreds of electronic squares.

He also said the company producing the toy would be buying out the Legos company. Again, hard for me to believe.

To settle my mind, I did a little research. With a quick Google search, I learned The Lego Group was, and still is, a privately-held company, owned by the family of the man who invented Legos in 1932.

In addition, my kids and I recently spent some time at Legoland at the Mall of America. Based on what I observed, we must not be the only parents whose children enjoy playing with Legos. The store was packed with kids, and adults, using their imagination.

I like electronics. I like electronic toys. My kids play with electronic toys. I prefer, though, toys that do not need batteries or any other power source other than what a child possesses inside him or her. Also, I would rather have my children determining the direction of their play and not computer programmers.

A few weeks ago, I decided to get down on the living room floor and try my hand at creating a Lego masterpiece. With the help of my 7-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter, I created a swimming pool, with a diving board, hot tub, and a water slide with a turn. My kids were even able to get their Lego people to successfully traverse the slide and land in the pool.

It was one of my favorite days of playing with the kids. No electronic squares could have created the enjoyment the three of us had together that afternoon.

Who knows? Maybe someday a few electronic squares will be more popular than Legos.

Hopefully, not in my lifetime.

Definitely, not in our house.

The Big Red Shovel

Posted on by Phil Corbett

A few weeks ago, my neighbors had their sidewalk edged. The person edging did quick work using a gas-powered edger. When he was finished, the neighborhood sidewalk looked very neat.

That is, until it reached our yard.

It had been awhile so I figured I better edge our sidewalk, too. I went to the shed and took out the non-gas-powered, duct-taped-together, hand edger left to us by the previous owners of our house. With the edger and a hoe, I trimmed up about 175 feet of sidewalk, increasing the width of the sidewalk by 6-8 inches (I said it had been awhile).

It was a good workout. Thankfully, my 7-year-old son helped out, too. He offered to pick up the grass chunks I had just cut from the sidewalk. With a wheelbarrow (or should I call it a wheelborrow since I always use my neighbor’s) and the Discovery Toys® Big Red Shovel, my son proceeded to move up and down the sidewalk, scooping up all the pieces of sod. Over an hour later, when he had finished, he had a wheelbarrow heaping full, as full as it could be filled without sod falling out of it.

I wish I had taken a picture because I was in awe of what my son had done. The sidewalk was clean and he had scooped up the sod with no help from me, not even moving the wheelbarrow for him.

I should not have been surprised because he is my worker. He is the one who gets excited for snowstorms because of the opportunity to shovel snow (again using the Big Red Shovel). He is the one who usually asks to help out if he sees me working in the garden or yard. He is also the one who, along with a few of the neighbors, likes to dig holes in the yard (yep, Big Red Shovel).

His feat of child power truly impressed me.

It also pleased me. Living where we live, it is not always easy to find opportunities for kids to display their work ethic. Oftentimes, a parent needs to be very creative to come up with chores that actually test a child’s mettle.

Growing up on the edge of the small town of Staples, my seven siblings and I had plenty of chores to do to keep us busy (at least it seemed that way to me). My mom was the oldest of three girls on a Wisconsin dairy farm so she knew how to work. She also knew how to put us to work. For most of my growing up years we heated with wood so there was always woodcutting to do, in addition to wood stacking, wood splitting, and carrying wood into the house. We also pulled our share of weeds from the garden.

One of the more unique chores was nail pulling. A family friend was a contractor and when his company remodeled a home, the debris from the remodeling was often dropped off in our yard. We dug through the refuse for building materials we could use for projects around the house, usually wood and the nails, which needed to be pulled and straightened. I am not sure how many ice cream buckets of nails we filled but it was probably more than the buckets of ice cream we ate.

Though I am not sure nail pulling was a favorite chore for any of us, it was a valuable experience in many ways. First, the experience embedded in me the value of reusing and repurposing things and not just always throwing them away.

More importantly, the nail pulling and the other chores we were assigned instilled in us the value of working hard and getting our hands dirty.

Our neighbors growing up, the Petersons, had a snowmobile. I remember once saying to my mom “Why can’t we have a snowmobile? The Petersons have one.” My mom responded, “We’re not the Petersons.”

We also had family friends who lived on a farm, the Olanders. I remember one time complaining about all the work we had to do. Mom responded with something in the line of “you don’t do as much work as the Olanders.” I remember wanting to say back, “We’re not the Olanders.”

I am glad I didn’t.

In addition to not wanting to taste soap or have my behind swatted, I can look back now and be grateful for all the chores we got to do.

And also be thankful we weren’t the Olanders.