Author: Phil Corbett

Making A Difference

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Some people strive to change the world. Most of us hope to just have a positive impact on the world around us. That is okay. Enough people making seemingly small differences in their worlds can affect the larger world. To me, that is what Paying It Forward and committing Random Acts of Kindness are all about – doing little things to effect a bigger change.

Of course, long before those phrases became popular, people were making a difference. Irene is one of those people. Though she died 20 years ago, at the age of 89, her unconditional love for people, her steadfast belief in the goodness of people, and her willingness to reach out to people in need is an inspiration still today.

Irene and her husband, Harold, raised four biological children and were official foster parents to an additional 51 children, including one who stayed for over 12 years. He is actually considered one of Irene and Harold’s five children and a brother by the four biological children. In addition to the 51 official foster children, they took in dozens of other children whose families were struggling somehow. Some stayed for a few days and some for a few weeks. All stayed for free.

Irene found one such child in a post office. After striking up a conversation with a young mother, Irene found out the mother needed to have an operation and had no place for her baby to stay. Irene offered to take care of the baby and the mother accepted. Irene had no assurance that the mother would come back for the baby but she just trusted that the mother would. Several weeks later, the mother did.

During the Depression of the 1930s, Irene often provided meals at her home for hungry and homeless wanderers. Once she hired an armless man to do some yard work for her and then decided he needed a bath and some clean clothes, especially socks. One of her children found her on the floor trimming the man’s toenails so they wouldn’t cut holes in the new socks she gave him.

While having coffee at a local bakery, Irene overheard an employee asking a man who was loitering to leave. The man said he was waiting for his granddaughter to pick him up. The employee told the man if he was not gone in a half an hour, he would call the police. After finishing her coffee, Irene told the employee to call her, not the police, if the man’s granddaughter did not show up. Of course, soon after she got home, Irene got the call. She had someone go get him and bring him to her home. She fed him, got him cleaned up and gave him some of her husband’s clothes.

Irene knew of an elderly bachelor in her neighborhood who had lived a lonely life, with few relatives or friends, if any. She took it upon herself to go to his apartment daily to take care of him. On the man’s last birthday before he died, she baked a cake, grabbed some of her grandchildren and threw him a party. He wept.

Even when her husband was in the hospital, Irene did not stop reaching out to others. If other patients’ relatives did not have a place to stay, many ended up eating and staying at Irene’s.

When Irene died in 1992, her obituary in the Star Tribune, Minnesota’s leading newspaper, was four inches high and five columns wide. Irene did not die wealthy but she died rich – rich from a lifetime of touching the lives and hearts of others and making a difference. She was “paying it forward” and committing “random acts of kindness” before either were even thought of.

Now I admit, with the way things are today, it can be difficult, even dangerous, to do some of the things Irene did. We may not be able to do the same actions Irene did but there is nothing stopping us from having the same attitudes Irene had. When we look outward and not just inward, focusing on helping others and not just making sure we are taken care of, it is amazing the impact we can have. I know many people, including me, have tried to live their lives inspired by Irene’s example.

By the way, though most people called her Irene, I just called her Grandma.

Note: These examples are just a few of the many things Grandma did in her life. To give credit where credit is due, I became aware of them through conversations with my father and his siblings and through two newspaper articles published many years ago in the Star Tribune by Oliver Towne and Robert T Smith.

Turning the Other Cheek

Posted on by Phil Corbett

I did many, well, dumb things as a kid. Maybe no more than the average kid – maybe many more. Who knows. I am pretty sure I have forgotten more than I remember. One I do remember happened on the playground of Sacred Heart Elementary School, in Staples, MN. I am not sure what grade I was in but I do remember listening to the priest at Mass that morning talk about “turning the other cheek.” I am sure he said many profound things but the one idea I picked up on was that if you turn the other cheek, and the person slaps that one too, the person will probably feel bad about it afterwards.

I found that interesting so I figured I would test out his theory. During recess, I approached another student and asked him to slap me in the face. He obliged. I turned my cheek and asked him to slap me again. Once again, he obliged. I then asked him if he felt bad about it. He said he didn’t.

So maybe my little sociological experiment did not turn out the way I had hoped. I do wonder, though, if turning the other cheek has become a lost practice. Watch any pro sports event and most likely you will see at least one example of a player retaliating because of something that was done or said to them. Follow many political campaigns and sometimes retaliation is all you see.

I understand, in sporting events and political campaigns, emotions can run high. Sometimes retaliating makes strategic sense and just ends up costing the player’s team a few yards or a few points or costing a candidate a few votes (or not). Too often, though, the arena and political life gets imitated in real life and not turning the other cheek ends up costing someone his or her life. How many lives have been lost because someone’s “manhood” or “womanhood” was insulted and words escalated to violence?

I am not saying people should not defend themselves or their families or that countries should not protect their citizens. There are some bad people out there who would not think twice about slapping as many cheeks as they can get the backhands on. Those bad people need to be dealt with. I am also not saying the alternative to fighting is fleeing. Turning the other cheek does not mean tucking one’s tail and running away. You can turn the other cheek and still stand your ground. It’s just we do not hear enough about the people who turn the other cheek. They choose to take the high road and all are better for it.

Yes, sometimes people push our buttons and we just can’t take it any more and we get upset. That seems to be one of the defining characteristics of being a parent. I know when that happens to me, I not only lose my effectiveness as a parent, I end up asking myself, why did I show them my buttons in the first place.

Lives becoming Legacies

Posted on by Phil Corbett

A handful of summers ago, I had the pleasure of attending three weddings and two funerals. Yes, you read that right – it was a pleasure attending the funerals. At the weddings, I shared in the excitement of the possibilities of the new couples’ lives together. At the funerals, I shared in the celebration of lives well lived. One funeral was of a 73-year-old man, married for 53 years, father of 12, grandfather of 26, great-grandfather of one, who died after a several-year battle with cancer. The other was of a 91-year-old man, married for 64 years, father of 11, grandfather of 22, great-grandfather of 38, who died after living a long life. Sure, there was sadness at each funeral, but the stories shared were more of joy and pride stemming from the impact these two men had on the people they encountered.

In the age of the Internet and 24-hour news channels, we are continuously exposed to the rise and fall, and often, the rise and fall again, of public figures our society idolizes and emulates. These two men, men of deep faith, character and strength, partnered with women of equal faith, character and strength to leave legacies surpassing those we hear about nationally, without the scandal.

These were not perfect men. They were ordinary men with faults just like the rest of us. What makes them worth emulating, though, was their commitment to their families. They were content to play the supporting role, allowing and encouraging their children to shine. They did what it took to provide for their families, one taking many different jobs throughout his life, the other working in the same career for 38 years. They instilled these values into their children and now the children, and grandchildren, continue to add to these legacies.

They may never have made the national news and if you Googled their names, you would not get many hits. I have been blessed, though, to have grown up with the children of the first man and to have married a grandchild of the second, and I feel very fortunate to have been impacted by the legacies of both. I can only hope to do my best to live as well as these two men did.

One side note: If you haven’t read my blog entry from Wednesday, I recommend reading it just to get a sense of what the families waiting to adopt children from Russia may be experiencing as the possibility of Russia enacting an immediate ban on all adoptions of Russian orphans to Americans. My thoughts and prayers go out to those families, hoping their stories turn out as well as “Little Z” and his family’s did.

Looking for inspiration? Try down the street.

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Today I would like to share a story of a family who lives in my neighborhood. They can tell their story much better than I can. I can only relate what their story means to me. It is an inspirational story of a deep faith and trust in God and an amazing and extraordinary commitment to a child, whom they had only seen in a picture.

Married in 1999, the couple planned to add to their family after a few years. When they decided it was time to try and have a baby, their plan did not develop as they had pictured. Months of trying turned to years of trying, and even with the help of fertility treatments, they still had no baby. So in the spring of 2005, they turned their attention to adoption. Little did they know where their adoption journey would take them.

By June, they had chosen a country and a placing agency and were just about to submit all of their initial paperwork when they received some shocking news – they were expecting! Sometime in 2006, they were blessed by the arrival of Caleb, a baby boy. The adoption journey could have ended there but, about a year and a half later, their hearts began to stir again.

So, in March of 2008, they began the adoption paperwork process once again and, on September 15 of that year, got the call saying a 4-month-old baby boy from Kyrgyzstan was available for adoption. Despite warnings to not, they fell in love with the boy they only knew through a picture and by the end of the week, had accepted the referral of “Baby Z.” In their hearts, they had just become a family of four. Once again, though, their adoption journey was about to take a detour. This time the detour was not as pleasant.

About a month or so after they had accepted the referral, the Kyrgyzstan government put the adoption process on hold and in early 2009, the Kyrgyzstan prime minister placed a one-year moratorium on international adoptions. Imagine how parents feel the first time they leave their child in someone else’s care. Now imagine feeling that on a daily basis for over a year. The sleepless nights filled with worry over whether your child is receiving the love and care he needs. After a year of waiting to see if they could bring, now, “Little Z” home, they decided to pursue a concurrent adoption through the Ukraine. They had not given up on “Little Z.” They just needed to move forward with their family plans. In April of 2010, they flew to the Ukraine to meet the new addition to their family. On April 19, after a 10-day bonding period, they stood before a Ukrainian judge and were pronounced the boy’s parents. About a month later, after flying back to the US, then back to the Ukraine, and then back to the US, they arrived at home with Ian.

Three months later, some more shocking news – they were expecting again! In June of 2011, Anaya, their baby girl was born. Even with the joy of this new arrival, they could not help but worry and wonder about their “Little Z.” From the moment they saw his picture he was their child. They were not about to give up on bringing him home.

In the fall of 2011, the Kyrgyzstan government put a new adoption law in place and in early 2012, the door to possibly bringing home “Little Z” was opened again. They were hopeful and hesitant at the same time. They had no idea if he was still in an orphanage or if he was still available to be adopted, though they had not stopped praying for and loving him for a single day. When they received the call saying “Little Z” was still available, they pushed ahead full-steam to get all the paperwork completed. On March 21, 2012, closing in on nearly four years since they had first fell in love with him, nearly four years of worry and wonder if their son was okay, they boarded a plane to finally meet him in person. Two days later, after getting approval from the Kyrgyzstan adoption ministry to meet “Little Z,” they entered the gates of the baby house and met their son. This was not the family reunion many parents are used to after not seeing their child for a period of time. There was no running to him and giving him a big hug. Though they wanted to, they had to give “Little Z” the time and space to warm up to them. Imagine how joyful they must have felt to see him, yet how patient they still needed to be.

After the 10-day bonding period, during which they were allowed 2 visits per day of about 2 hours each, they hoped to secure a court date and get through the court process prior to returning to the US in early April. Once again, things did not turn out as they had hoped. No court date was set and they returned to the US without “Little Z,” fearful the adoption process could be shut down again and they would never bring him home.

Fortunately, this time the detour was only slight and on May 28th, 2012, after the father flew back to Kyrgyzstan, “Little Z” walked out of the baby house, as the mother puts it, “No longer an orphan. No longer fatherless. Officially our son – forever!”

On June 9th, surrounded by close family and friends, their family of six was united for the first time at the airport in Minneapolis. Caleb, now 6, who had prayed since he was 2-1/2 for his brother to come home, was finally able to give his little brother a hug.

I shared with you only some of the details and some of the emotions of their story. I cannot retell story anywhere near as well as they can. That would take an entire book that hopefully they will write someday. I shared their story, though, because they inspire me. First of all, I am inspired by their deep faith in God that guided them through this journey, and continues to guide them. I am inspired by their dedication and commitment to follow through on a promise they made to a boy in a picture whom the moment they laid eyes upon him, they considered their own. I am inspired by their perseverance. With all the detours and road blocks put in front of them, some positive, others not so much, they could have chosen, after almost four years, to say it wasn’t meant to be and no one would have thought any less of them. But they didn’t!

When we search for reasons to be inspired, we often look in the wrong places. We do not need to look to the news or to the nation for inspiration. We need to look no farther than down the street. Our neighborhoods are filled each day with ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

Just an end note – Of the original 65 families trying to adopt from Kyrgyzstan who were caught up in this process, only nine have been united with their children. The rest remain in limbo, not knowing when the time might come for them to bring their children home, if at all. Though this family celebrates their situation, their hearts ache and they pray constantly for the other families still waiting.

Some Holiday Perspective

Posted on by Phil Corbett

A few years ago, when he was in 8th grade, my nephew wrote this poem. I think sharing it is very fitting at this time of year. To me, it puts the holidays in perspective. It’s not about the gifts – it’s about the relationships.

He is My Grandfather
By John Corbett

He lives in Minnesota
I used to live there
He lives hours from a big city
I live 15 minutes from one
He is old
I am young

He is the one who taught me how to fish
I am the one who watched with urgency
He is the one who bought me my first fishing pole
I am the one who used it with great care
He is the one who gave me my first tackle box
I am the one who filled it as he gave me tackle
He is the one who put up with me through all my mistakes
I am the one who was clueless of my wrong doings

He is the one that I will never forget
He is the one that will always be with me

He is my grandfather
I am his grandson

I am interested in reading about similar relationships others have in their own lives. Anyone willing to share?

Our Priceless Gift

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Last night, I sat in my church watching my kindergartner, 3rd grader and 5th grader participate in their school’s Christmas program.  It was wonderful!  The sixth grade class performed a neat little variation of the Christmas story, focusing on a forgotten “fourth wise man” who was not able to make it to Bethlehem in time to see the baby Jesus and present him with gifts because he stopped along the way to help others in need and ended up using the gifts to help the others.  (Actually, I should say “she” since the part was wonderfully played by a sixth grade girl who had to learn her lines in one day because the original student cast got sick.)  The whole point of the story was the fourth wise man exemplified the true Christmas spirit and his actions foreshadowed the message the baby Jesus would preach 30-some years later – “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

In addition to the touching story, what was neat about the program was how well the music director mixed in the songs with the telling of the story and how well the kids performed the songs.  Whether it was the vocal talent of the older kids or the pure enthusiasm and expressions of the younger kids, the whole thing was a sight to behold and definitely worthy of the standing ovation a few of us gave it. I would suggest most all present agreed, though only a few of us stood, since we Minnesotans are not often inclined to stand and clap at the same time.

With the recent events at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut, I have to admit I was fighting back feelings of guilt, thinking how can I be sitting here enjoying my kids perform this Christmastime ritual while those out East are experiencing unfathomable anguish and grief.  I looked around the church and paid particular attention to the smiles of the proud parents and other family members and to a dad who was holding his pre-school-aged son on his lap and concluded this is exactly what we should be doing.  I would suggest we honor the lives of those 20 school children by making every effort to treasure and celebrate the young children in our own lives and making sure they know each and every day how much they are valued.  The presents our children open on Christmas day may have cost a bit of money but knowing they are loved by us is a gift that is priceless.

About this blog

Featured by Phil Corbett

Daily we hear, see, and read stories about inhumane actions carried out focusing on the worst aspects of humanity.  While not ignoring those human faults in need of improvement, it is important to highlight what is good about humanity. There is so much more to be hopeful of than to be disheartened by.  This blog is dedicated to celebrating, nurturing and promoting the positive aspects of humanity.

I am a spiritual guy and some entries will have a spiritual bent.  I am a humorous guy and some entries might make you chuckle.  I am philosophical guy and I hope most of the entries will make you think.  I am a political guy but NO entries will be political.  Humanity is not a red/blue, right/left, liberal/conservative, or Democrat/Republican thing.  It is an “all of us” thing.

If you like what I write, I ask you to sign up to follow this blog at the bottom of the page. Also, please share the blog with others.  If you do not like what I write, I ask that you share your thoughts with me.  If you have experienced something that fits this theme and would like to share it, I invite you to send it to me. 

Ultimately, I hope in some small way those who read this blog will somehow be encouraged to get up each day and see what is right about humanity and not what is wrong.