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No Regrets!

Posted on by Phil Corbett

I must admit, there are times I have taken advantage of people. My selfish interests took priority and the interest of others went by the wayside. I wish I could go back and change things but I can’t.

If anyone reading this is one of those people, please know I am regretful and I ask for your forgiveness.

Taking advantage of parents, though, is a totally different matter.

My wife and I take advantage of my parents and her parents fairly often. On the very selfish side, having a night out without the cost of a babysitter is a pretty good deal. On a more practical level, I often have my parents come help out when my wife is traveling – and help out they do!

As the mother of eight kids, my mom has never been able to get doing laundry out of her system. She is also pretty good at yard work. (To set the record straight, I have told my mom that at 83 years old, it is okay for her to just sit and relax while she is at our house. I just have not been successful convincing her.)

My dad was never one to change diapers (or should I say “never changed one diaper”) but he is amazing when it comes to keeping the attention of kids. Whether he is playing piano or playing cards (or bouncing them on his knee when they were younger), my kids and my nieces and nephews are drawn to my dad.

Taking advantage of our parents, though, is not about making our lives easier. Taking advantage of our parents is taking every opportunity for our children to get to spend time with their grandparents.

Taking advantage of my dad is my ten-year-old son learning and loving card games that have been played in my family for generations.

Taking advantage of my mother is my six-year-old son kneeling by her side while pulling weeds, observing the work ethic she developed as the oldest of three girls on a Wisconsin dairy farm.

Taking advantage of my mother-in-law means my eight-year-old daughter learning you are never too old to laugh and have fun as they have a bubble fight in our kitchen.

Taking advantage of my father-in-law means all three kids walking with him in the woods by his childhood home, learning an appreciation for nature.

Taking advantage of our parents strengthens the link between the generations.

For this, I have no regrets.

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When Evil Attacks

Posted on by Phil Corbett

There is evil in the world. The widely-reported bombings in Boston and Iraq on Monday are testament to that. So are all the other inhuman acts committed on a daily basis throughout the world, though not making it to the front page because they are so commonplace. Yes, I believe there is evil in the world.

I am sure in the next few days, weeks, months and years, people from all aspects of the political and religious spectrums will debate the root causes of all this evil. Some will have more valid arguments than others but no one will be able to claim ownership of the definitive causes. Some will still try.

Right now, though, I am really not all that interested in debating whether evil is a supernatural being or just people choosing to carry out some very horrible acts against others. I am not interested in debating which foreign and domestic policies may or may not have an impact on the occurrence of these evil acts.

What I am interested in discussing is what we can do in response to the evil we see in the world.

My concern is the initial outpouring of support and the pledges of unity will, in time, be replaced by fear and suspicion, thinking that is how we can best protect ourselves.

I think just the opposite needs to occur.

Make no mistake about it – I do believe there are reasons to concerned. I do not wear Pollyanna glasses. I just believe when we let fear and suspicion rule our lives, we invite more evil to enter them.

To me, the response to evil is to spell it backwards – to live!

I am hoping the thought of the more than 50 dead and over 300 wounded Iraqis from Monday’s bombings will encourage, and not deter, their fellow citizens from speaking out and voting on April 20th.

I am hoping in response to the dead and wounded in Boston, the applications to run in the Boston Marathon next year will surpass any previous year.

Instead of choosing to circle our wagons and hunker down, we need to show evil that we will not stop living.

By altering live a little bit, just by one letter, we can find another way to respond to evil – to give. When we open our hands and arms to others, there is nothing holding in our fear, suspicion and anger.

By again changing just one letter of live, we get another way to respond to evil – to love. When we open our hearts to each other, there is no room for evil to take root.

There is no guarantee that by choosing to live, to give and to love any change in the world will occur. But as Garth Brooks sings in The Change (written by R. Wayne Tester and Anthony Arata):

I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me

I am going to choose to continue to live, to give and to love so those who choose to do evil in the world will know, they will not change me.

The Gospel According to You

Posted on by Phil Corbett

Many people choose to spend years of their lives studying deep-thinking theologians and philosophers to gain greater understanding of the meaning of life.

I listen to country music.

I’m serious. Country music is more than just singing about dogs, divorce, drinking and dying (or trucks, trains, tractors and trysts). Country music is about life, often putting life in its simplest form.

Simple works well for me.

One of my favorite country songs is “The Gospel According to Luke,” written by Skip Ewing. The song tells the story about a homeless man, named Luke, who spends his days collecting coins off the street and sharing the word of God to the people he meets. At night, he shares the money he collects with others down on their luck.

This line from the song sums up his beliefs -“Give to your brother if he is in need. Offer up thanks for the gifts you receive. There’s treasure in heaven for the generous few. That was the gospel according to Luke.”

As someone who likes to share his beliefs on what gives meaning to life, I often wonder if someone were to ask me the question, “what is the gospel according to you,” if that person would see my actions, like Luke’s, reflecting my words. As the saying, “Preach the Gospel – use words sparingly,” profoundly suggests, our actions should state the case for our beliefs much more than our words.

Several years back, what I call “The Gospel According to You” became very real to me. One spring Saturday, my parents had a fire at their house in my hometown of Staples. When I got to Staples the next day, my parents were living in a hotel room with nothing but the clothes on their backs (literally). A few days later they were able to find an apartment to move into, but they had nothing to move into it. I made a few calls to some townspeople I knew, asking if they could help out. The people I spoke with said not to worry – they would take care of things. Three days later, when my parents moved into their apartment, they moved into an apartment fully furnished by the people of Staples and a handful of other people my siblings and I knew.

No words needed to be spoken that day to preach the gospel according to those people. Their actions shouted their beliefs loud and clear.

With that in mind, I am going to do my best these next few months to look for more opportunities to preach the gospel according to me, through my actions and not just my words.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

“Fire the coach!”

Posted on by Phil Corbett

That is often the solution offered to the problem of a team not performing up to expectations, whether those expectations have any basis in reality or not. The carnage coming off most any NCAA Division I sport season is evidence of that.

I know it comes with the territory. Many Division I college coaches get paid big money and if their teams do not achieve the success expected, the coaches often lose their jobs. Of course, many of them find another high-paying coaching job so I am not suggesting we pass the hat to help them with their moving costs.

Still, I do wonder if it is easier to fire a coach because of wins and losses than it is because of their behavior.

I am not interested in debating the hiring and firing of college coaches, though. I would rather focus on coaches who get paid a lot less, if anything at all. Unfortunately, some of the same expectations filter down to the high school and youth sports levels, as well.

With the exception of a few years in the middle, I have coached in some capacity since the mid-1980s, a decade of so of those years as a head coach of a high school wrestling team. In regard to wins and losses, my teams experienced a little success (emphasis on “little”) and a few individuals were able to experience greater success, but nowhere near the success I would have hoped when I started my coaching career.

Early in my career, I thought part of being a coach was being able to yell. I remember one day, as a JV baseball coach in my early to mid-twenties, observing one of my players driving recklessly out to the field for practice. What the player did was unsafe and I needed to deal with it. While his teammates played catch in the outfield, I laid into him “real good” for a few minutes near the pitcher’s mound and it felt good. Later that night, I told my roommate about what happened and how good it felt to lay into the player. He did not say much, if anything, but he gave me a questioning look.

I was too proud to fully realize it that night but that look told me I did something wrong. The next day, when I got to the coaches’ office, the player’s uniform was nicely folded, lying on a chair. At that point, the reality of what I did hit me. My actions led to him quitting the game he loved. Once again, my pride got in the way and I never apologized to him. I do not remember his name so I don’t even know to whom I should even apologize now. I can honestly and humbly say, it is one of the biggest regrets in my life.

I am glad to say my focus changed as I aged. At our pre-season meeting, I would often say to my wrestlers’ parents, “you have given us coaches great young men to coach, our hope is that we give them back to you at least a little better when the season is over.” I still wanted them to experience success on the mat but I knew I would not be happy with the job the other coaches and I did if they were not better human beings after three months with us.

When it comes to wins and losses, there were some seasons I should have probably given my salary back. When it comes to being a part of the lives of young people, though, there is no salary in the world big enough to match the pride I feel when I come in contact with some of the wrestlers I have had the honor of coaching and see the men they have become.

Now, as the parent of athletes, and not as much a coach, I get to sit back and watch other people coach my kids. My behavior as the parent will be reflective of my character and will indicate just how sincere my belief that teaching athletes to be good people is much more important than a good win/loss record. (Not that you can’t have both.)

As my compass, I rely on the example set by the parent of one of the most successful wrestlers I coached. I am sure there were times when he thought I could have done things differently or when he wished we had a better program. Still, after every meet or tournament, he always said, “Thanks, coach.”

I don’t care if it is t-ball, summer rec, a varsity sport or the major leagues, if the coaches are treating my children with respect and teaching them to be better human beings, they better hear me say, and only say, “Thanks, coach.”

People in glass houses…

Posted on by Phil Corbett

…should have curtains.

I know the more accepted completion to the phrase is “shouldn’t throw stones,” but in our house the curtain ending seems more appropriate.

You see, when we first moved into our current house, we decided to take down the old, 1970s-era curtains covering the rather large windows in our living and dining rooms because we would be putting up new “window treatments” when we replaced the windows.

Our plans proved bigger than our pocket books and ten years later – no new windows and still no window treatments.

Because we haven’t replaced the curtains, if people driving by chose to look into our home the picture they might get of who we are would depend greatly on when they drove by. They might see us yelling at each other and think we didn’t like each other. They might see blankets and toys on the floor and papers and crayons on the table and think we are messy. They might see me cleaning up poop and pee off the carpet and think we have not trained our two-year old dog very well.

They would be right – at least partially. We sometimes yell at each other but that does not mean we do not get along and do not love each other. We often have blankets and toys on the floor and papers and crayons on the table because that is where our kids were playing with them. I periodically need to clean up after our dog because… okay, that one is pretty much on the mark.

Still, it is difficult to get an accurate picture of what goes on in anyone’s home from a little snapshot taken as you drive by it.

So why do we fall into the trap of painting a picture of others from the few bits of things we hear, read or see about them, often times, mostly negative?

On a recent Sunday, the priest at my church preached on the gospel in which Jesus, in response to the leaders calling for the stoning of a woman accused of adultery, said “Let ye without sin cast the first stone.” The priest spoke of how easy it is for us to cast stones and tear down others, rather than build each other up.

Those words really struck me because not only do I see the stone throwing every day, especially in the media, but I also find myself participating in it more than I would care to admit.

It’s not that I think we should turn a blind eye to people’s failings, especially in regard to our leaders and maybe even more so with those who are good at throwing stones themselves. I just think we should also look beyond people’s shortcomings and allow them the opportunity to rise above them before we complete our picture of who they are.

So, if you are looking to get an accurate picture of me, here is what I ask of you.

Do not ignore my failings. They are a part of who I am. I promise I won’t ignore them, either. I will continue to look at where I have come up short and do my best to do better in the future. I will still continue to make many missteps.

Do not define me, though, only on where I have failed. Give me the opportunity to define myself by the good I do and give me the opportunity to give you a complete picture of who I am.

I promise to do my best to stop throwing stones. I hope you can do the same.

None of us are without sin and I still can’t afford new windows.

The Least of My Brethren

Posted on by Phil Corbett

“And the king answering, shall say to them: Amen I say to you, as long as you did it to one of these my least brethren, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40)

For many, this passage from the Bible has been used as a call for all of us to be aware of how we treat the less fortunate in the world, making sure we are reaching out to them, treating them with love and compassion, and trying to improve their situation in the world. I could be wrong (and often am) but I am pretty sure there would not be much disagreement concerning the importance of doing that.

Deciding how exactly we should be carrying out that call, though, is a matter of great disagreement and most likely will be for a long time to come. Good people from all walks of life have differing opinions on the best way to help those in need. Since there are plenty of other avenues for that discussion to happen, I do not plan to explore it here.

I do want to share a different perspective on what the “least of my brethren” could mean, though.

For some time, I have tried to apply the “least of my brethren” theme on a more personal level. What if I looked at the “least of my brethren” as referring to the person or persons of whom I think the least, whom I have the hardest time loving, whom I dislike the most?

Donating to the food shelf, helping out at a homeless shelter, reaching out to those affected by some natural disaster are all excellent and, sometimes, easy ways to respond to the passage in Matthew. Treating as Christ those in my life whom I find the most difficult to love is much more of a challenge.

Years ago, I had the opportunity to listen to a father talk about a horrible crime committed against one of his children. For months following the crime he was angry and no one would have faulted him for wanting harm to come to the person who committed the crime.

He took a different approach.

After being denied the opportunity to meet with his child’s attacker face to face, the father wrote him a letter. Instead of spewing hatred and eternal damnation for what he had done, the father forgave him. Taking things a step further, he and his wife then committed themselves to spreading Christ’s message through prison ministry.

No matter what your religious beliefs may be, if any at all, I think the world would be a much better place if we all treated our least as this couple treated their least. I know, when I find it difficult to love some of the least in my life, I look to this couple as my example and inspiration.

For me, the reality that each day I do not fully live up to their example makes me human. Asking Jesus to forgive me each night and for the strength to do better the next day makes me Christian.

Thanks Elmo!

Posted on by Phil Corbett

It is pretty amazing how events seen as minor and insignificant at the time turn out to be life altering when you look back at them years down the road.

Almost 10 years ago now, my wife and I, along with our then 18-month-old son, were living in a nice, little home in the heart of a city. We had just finished remodeling the basement and had no plans to move any time soon.

Then came Elmo. Yes, that Elmo – the one from Sesame Street. He changed everything.

My wife was a stay-at-home mom who also watched a few other kids every now and then. Maya, the little girl of some friends of ours, was one of the more regular additions. One Friday she forgot her favorite little Elmo doll at our house. Since we were planning on heading out of town for the weekend, we decided we better stop by her house on the way and drop off Elmo so she would not have to spend a few days without him.

As we turned into their driveway, I noticed the house next door had a “For Sale” sign in the yard. I kiddingly quipped to my wife, “Look, that house is for sale. Should we buy it?” She dumbfoundedly and doubtfully responded with, “Are you serious?”

For the fun of it, while one of us went into the house to drop off Elmo, the other grabbed a “For Sale” flier. We talked about the house the entire ride and ended up calling the realtor to set up a viewing for Sunday.

Fewer than six weeks later, we had re-roofed and sold the old house and moved into the new house.

Since then, both our families have grown – two boys and a girl for us, three girls and a boy for them. Most days the most exciting thing our kids can do is play with their neighbors, either outside or in one of the houses. They watch our kids quite often and we watch their kids quite often. We lean on them for support. They lean on us for support. You know how it goes with good neighbors.

Just last weekend, while I was at work, my wife had all seven kids at our house for dinner and games. One game they played was Say Anything! If you are not familiar with the game, one player reads a question and everyone else writes down a response. After the responses are read, the rest of the players try to guess which response the reader of the question will pick as his or her favorite.

Luke, the 2nd grade neighbor boy, took his turn by reading this question – “If you could travel to any country, where would you go?” The responses by the rest of the players were Wisconsin Dells, Hawaii, Madagascar, France, Colombia, Mexico and The Corbetts (keep in mind, the ages of the kids ranged from six to twelve).

Luke picked The Corbetts as his favorite. My wife asked why, with all the places in the world to go, he would choose to go next door, and he said because “it’s the most fun place.”

My kids would say the same thing about Luke’s house.

I have no idea where Elmo is now. He may still be in the neighbor’s house somewhere or possibly sold at a garage sale and presently working his magic at someone else’s house. Either way, Elmo will always be with us.

Who would have thought that forgetting one little doll would end up impacting the lives of two families so significantly and so deeply. Makes me wonder if Maya didn’t do it on purpose.

How full is your cup?

Posted on by Phil Corbett

How full is your cup – does it runneth over or is it empty so it has room to receive? Ah, such deep questions to ponder.

If we are talking about coffee, I prefer my cup to be bottomless, but not empty, always having room to receive more, though never, ever running over.

If we are talking about life, then the answer is yes to both.

Looking at my life, I do believe my cup runneth over. I have been blessed and feel very fortunate for everything I have.

I also hope I never see my cup as so full that there is no room left for new people, thoughts, ideas or experiences.

If you know me or have read my previous posts, you may be surprised to learn how I would answer this cup question, “Do I see the cup as half full or half empty?”

I do not see the cup as half full. I also do not see it as half empty, though. I prefer to see the cup as three-quarters full.

What do I mean?

I know the question is just referring to whether one is an optimist or a pessimist but I just have a hard time feeling good about seeing anything in life as half full. When I see my coffee cup half full, I look for more coffee to put in it.

Same goes with life. Why settle for half full? I like to look for things to make my life three-quarters full.

Why do I stop at three-quarters full? Why not go to all full? To me, all full is not reality. There are always going to be things in life that knock us down and if we convince ourselves that life is “all full”, when we are knocked down life becomes “awful.” I want to be positive, but I also want to be real.

Someone could say it is easy for me to look at life that way because I have had it fairly easy and I have not had to face the challenges some others have had to face.

I would have to agree. It is fairly easy for me to wake up most days and find the positives in life. I hope it is always that way for me.

Still, if and when my cup gets knocked over, I know it is possible to get it back to three-quarters full. I know it is possible because I know others who have done it. I know people whose lives are much more difficult than mine and they still find the positives in life.

Like the single mother I know whose son killed himself a few years ago. Every day her heart aches for him (her only child), and most likely will till the day she dies, yet she does her best to find the positives in life, especially regarding the impact her son had on others.

Then there is Holli, who went to school with my wife. One month, she was enjoying life with a wonderful husband and kids. The next, she finds out her husband has a rare form of cancer. Several months later, she begins facing life as a single mother of four young boys, while grieving the loss of the love of her life.

I find inspiration reading her blog. She is honest about how life really “sucks” at times, and yet still she tries to find a way to make the best of each day and the new situations and challenges she faces. From what I have read, she succeeds at it more often than not.

Now I would imagine with both of these women there are most likely days when the pain is so great they would rather not get out of bed and face life. Maybe some days they don’t. But most days they do.

It is because of people like these two women that I know I can make my life three-quarters full.

P.S. If you are interested in reading Holli’s blog, here is the link http://thenelson4.wordpress.com. I find her writing to be very personal, heartfelt, honest, and often times, quite humorous.

Now Hiring: Husband/Father

Posted on by Phil Corbett

A few Februaries ago, while lying on a beach enjoying a trip my wife earned (another fact to prove I out-punted my coverage when it comes to marriage), I took the time to read Tony Dungy’s book, Quiet Strength. I was inspired reading about his life, from his time growing up in Michigan to his coaching of the Indianapolis Colts to a Superbowl win in 2007, and how his faith guided him through the triumphs and tragedies he experienced.

He wrote a lot about being a husband and father and the one line in the book that struck me the most was – “How would your business do if you spent the amount of time on it that you spend on your wife and family?”

Since I do not own a business, I prefer to think of it this way – “Would I be fired if I spent the same amount of time and effort at my job that I spend on my family?”

That passage, and my translation of it, has definitely had an impact on me. Do my actions and priorities show my family that being a husband and father is important to me? Sure, there are always necessary commitments that take time away from my family but what about the less necessary commitments? When I am at home, am I present to them or am I preoccupied with less important things?

Of course, being a husband and a father should be viewed as much more than just a job, but if it was a job that included periodic reviews and documentation in a personnel file, I am confident, as with most husbands and fathers, my file would be fairly large, with many positive reviews and many notations of areas in need of improvement. I am grateful that through God’s grace, the letters in my personnel file detailing the many mistakes I make as a husband and father end up getting run through God’s industrial-sized shredder.

Unfortunately, some days my job performance as a husband and father fluctuates a lot more than I would like it to and as I sit here re-writing this while I review the mistakes I have made recently, I can only hope my wife and kids have a shredder, as well.

When the shredding is complete, if all that is left is a short paragraph on my job performance, I pray it goes like this:

Philip John Corbett has the necessary skill set for the position. He shows passion and energy as he carries out his responsibilities and exhibits overall competency. He appears to love what he does. He does make mistakes, oftentimes repeating the same ones, but that can be expected as this is his first time holding this position and no job description or orientation training was provided.

In summary, he has shown improvement since last year’s review and really tries to do his job well. It is our recommendation that he be allowed to continue as our husband and father.

Kelly and the Kids

Additional note: We really like him!

Human BEings and Human DOings

Posted on by Phil Corbett

In April of 1981, as a junior in high school, I attended a Together Encountering Christ (TEC) retreat in central Minnesota. That three-day retreat and the subsequent retreats I have worked on have had a profound impact on my life. From developing a better understanding of how God’s love works in my life to cultivating relationships with the people I consider my closest friends, including my wife, I could not imagine, and would not want to imagine, how life would be had I not accepted a friend’s invitation to attend the retreat.

Unfortunately, if I were invited to attend the retreat for the first time today, I am not sure I would go.

Don’t get me wrong. I hope I would say yes.

The retreat is still a very valuable experience and continues to have a profound effect on the people who attend it today. Because of how busy life can get, though, committing three days to slowing down and exploring a deeper relationship with God and with others can be difficult to add to our calendars.

In addition, because technology allows such immediate and continual connectedness to most everything going on in the world, disconnecting from the outer world for several days to focus on our inner worlds could be challenging as well.

I believe the busyness and connectedness of our world is exactly why we should be committing the time to retreats and others activities which encourage us to reflect on our lives and our relationships with God and others. I think Jesus spoke to this in Luke 10: 38-42, in the story of Mary and Martha, when he affirmed Mary for sitting at his feet and listening to him speak while her sister Martha worked.

The mother of the friend who invited me to attend the retreat has a saying posted on her kitchen wall that I refer to often and is the inspiration for this blog. The poster says, “We are human BEings, not human DOings”.

Though I believe we are both, I fear we put way too much emphasis on assessing our lives by the DOing, neglecting the importance of the BEing.

Whether by attending retreats like TEC or just taking the time everyday to reflect on our lives and God’s presence in them, balancing our BEing with our DOing, as the pace of life continues to quicken, is more important now than ever.